Healing from Heartbreak: Journey to a Stronger Self

I had my first heartbreak as a teenager, and it was one of the most life-shaping experiences I ever went through. It took me years to pull myself back together after the changes that heartbreak brought into my life. As a young, naive teenager, I was completely shaken and lost my balance for what felt like a long time. I struggled to find my center, but as the years passed, I slowly rebuilt my identity. I made a promise to myself that I would never again lose my essence or grounding because of any emotional turmoil.

That wasn’t the only heartbreak I experienced; I really wish it had been. But when it happened again, I was more prepared. I had equipped myself with what I needed to face the 'horrifying' journey of healing and finding my center again.

I’m writing this blog post to help you gather everything you need to deal with any emotional turbulence, heartbreak included, that you might face in your life and to navigate your way back to feeling whole again.

One of the key ways I strengthened myself emotionally was by developing a strong sense of self. Understanding who I am at my core, independent of external influences was crucial to my emotional resilience. Building a strong sense of self didn’t happen overnight; it was a journey of self-discovery and intentional practice.

How to Build a Strong Sense of Self:

1. Know Your Values: Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. What principles do you stand by? Understanding your core values gives you a solid foundation that guides your decisions and actions.

2. Practice Self-Reflection: Regularly check in with yourself. Journaling, meditating, or simply spending quiet moments in thought can help you understand your emotions, motivations, and reactions. I usually practice my quiet tea time in the morning for about 15 to 20 minutes and I do some reflection and reminder of who I am before I start my day

3. Set Boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. Know what is acceptable to you and communicate it clearly to others. This helps protect your emotional well-being and reinforces your sense of self-worth.

4. Embrace Your Strengths and Weaknesses: Accept yourself fully-both your strengths and areas for growth. By acknowledging and working on your imperfections, you build confidence in your ability to handle life’s challenges.

5. Pursue Your Passions: Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Pursuing what you love not only enriches your life but also strengthens your identity.

6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Build and maintain a network of friends and mentors who respect and uplift you. Positive relationships reinforce your sense of self and provide support during tough times.

7. Be Kind to Yourself: Practice self-compassion, especially when things don’t go as planned. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend.

What to Expect After a Heartbreak:

Emotional Breakdown: Heartbreak can feel like mourning a loss, and that’s because you’re grieving the relationship, the memories, whether good or bad, and the future you envisioned. This is completely normal. Don’t complicate things by trying to rush through these feelings. It’s a process, and allowing yourself to go through it ensures you truly deal with it and can move forward.

Anger and Resentment: You might feel intense anger toward your ex, yourself, or the whole situation. It can be overwhelming, but remember, this is a fleeting phase. Be mindful of it and know that it will pass.

Confusion and Self-Doubt: It’s common to start questioning what went wrong, leading to confusion and self-doubt. I was stuck in this phase for years because I didn’t know how to move past it. It made me paranoid in my future relationships until I committed to conscious healing, which involved practicing self-affirmation.

Physical Reactions:

• Fatigue and Sleep Issues: Emotional distress can leave you exhausted and struggling with sleep. It’s your body reacting to the stress.

• Appetite Changes: You might find yourself either losing your appetite or turning to food for comfort. Both are normal responses but be mindful so that you do not develop a eating disorder as a result. I personally suffered from Bulimia for years and took me getting diagnosed by a psychiatrist and embarking on a holistic journey of wellness to recover, I am still recovering and I would be happy to chat about my journey with Bulimia for any one that is currently struggling with it

• Physical Pain: Sometimes heartbreak even shows up physically; headaches, chest pain, or just a general sense of heaviness. It’s your body processing the emotional pain.

Social Shifts:

• Isolation: You might feel like pulling back from social activities or find it hard to be around people. That’s okay-sometimes we need space to heal. Do not completely shut out people that genuinely care about you in this process. Replying to texts and reassuring them that you will reach out when you can is a good way to manage this phase

• Changed Relationships: Your relationships with friends and family might shift as they try to support you or give you space. This is natural as you navigate your emotions.

Reflection and Growth:

• Rethinking Priorities: Heartbreak often pushes us to rethink what’s important in our lives and relationships. This is a pivotal moment- just be careful not to change who you are at your core. Instead, set boundaries that strengthen you and protect your balance. Many people use heartbreak as a time to focus on personal growth and set new goals. It’s an opportunity to rebuild yourself in a way that makes you stronger.

How to Navigate the Aftermath:

• Embrace Your Emotions: Don’t Suppress Your Feelings; Let yourself feel everything- cry, be angry, or feel lost. This is all part of healing. Acting tough or in denial will only backfire and cause more harm in the long run. I learned this the hard way during my first heartbreak when I was in denial for so long.

• Express Yourself: Find a way to express what you’re going through. Talk to someone you trust, journal, or use creative outlets. For me, journaling and talking to my sisters have been my go-to. Find someone who can uplift you with positive words and remind you of who you are.

• Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of your body- eat well, stay active, and get enough sleep. Your physical health is tied closely to your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that calm your mind, like meditation or deep breathing. Taking breaks from constantly thinking about the breakup can really help reduce stress.

• Indulge Yourself and Embrace your Passions: Do things that bring you joy and relaxation. This is why having a passion or hobby is so important. Even when you’re in a relationship, it’s vital to maintain your own interests and avoid becoming codependent. Your life should be fulfilling with or without a partner.

• Give It Time: Healing takes time. Don’t rush it, give yourself the space you need to recover.

• Avoid Rebounds: Focus on healing fully before jumping into a new relationship. Rebound relationships can complicate your emotions and delay your healing.

Reflect on what you’ve learned from the relationship and the breakup. Use these insights to grow and approach future relationships with more wisdom. Setting and activating boundaries, even with friends and family, will strengthen you mentally and help you handle future emotional challenges. Heartbreak often leads to significant personal growth. Embrace the changes in yourself while staying centered and evolve into a stronger, more resilient person.